So, my hair is in a pony tail and I decide to take it down for the night. Because my hair is so thick, this is always a process, I need to do one "loop" as a time because it won't come out as a whole. Ever. I actually have to hunt down the thicker Goody brand hair ties because they are the only ones strong enough to tame my hair. The super thin and thin ones are the norm around here, I wonder if they sell them in the city where they have a larger group of people to please. I can't be the only person with hair that could only come from a Stark and a Lannister union. (for those of you who do not nerd out to Game Of Thrones every week, that's a wolf and a lion. Horrible joke, I'm sure. Although I thought it was pretty fucking clever. Also, both of those families seem to have pretty thick haired women with their wigs and what not.)
Well I go to pull the hair tie out of it, but it decides to get stuck. And not just stuck, like stuck so badly in the back of my head that I literally can't remove it. Like double knotted no one can figure that shit out stuck. I contemplated enlisting the help of my dad, who just happened to be awake and in the other room, true he is a man who has no grasp on removing a stuck hair tie, but I'm certain he could figure it out. At least he could see it, which puts him at a distinct advantage. I spend about 15 seconds, that is as much patience as I have for this problem, trying to detangle this rogue hair tie from my mane and am only successful at letting my hair devour it more. I decide I'm done with this and am going to rip that son of a bitch out. I've got enough hair to compensate for that loss I think to myself. This is totally true. While a lot of people age and their hair naturally thins a little, I swear mine has gotten thicker, ridiculously thicker. Like Merida from Brave thick, but if she were a real person I think I might have more hair.
I pull on this villain of a hair tie. Nothing happens. I pull harder. Nothing happens. I'm getting crabby at this point, so I get a firm grasp on this awful fabric covered elastic and pull the hardest yet, thinking that maybe I'll have to bust out some scissors, when I hear a snap. Thinking that this was the sound of my hair breaking and feeling excited that I've won against the hair tie I give it a little tug only to realize that it's even further in my hair and now snapped into one long piece. That's right. My wolf hair annihilated a hair tie. A brand new thicker then most hair tie, all fabric and elastic. My hair outlasted that. What's worse is that now the elastic is exposed at the ends and trying to be one with my carved from steel tresses. I sigh in defeat, but I also sigh because I know the speech my hair stylist will give me when I see her this month and she sees what I've done. I take a walk of shame into the kitchen and grab the scissors thinking, "all that and I still have to cut that piece of shit out!"
Well I go to pull the hair tie out of it, but it decides to get stuck. And not just stuck, like stuck so badly in the back of my head that I literally can't remove it. Like double knotted no one can figure that shit out stuck. I contemplated enlisting the help of my dad, who just happened to be awake and in the other room, true he is a man who has no grasp on removing a stuck hair tie, but I'm certain he could figure it out. At least he could see it, which puts him at a distinct advantage. I spend about 15 seconds, that is as much patience as I have for this problem, trying to detangle this rogue hair tie from my mane and am only successful at letting my hair devour it more. I decide I'm done with this and am going to rip that son of a bitch out. I've got enough hair to compensate for that loss I think to myself. This is totally true. While a lot of people age and their hair naturally thins a little, I swear mine has gotten thicker, ridiculously thicker. Like Merida from Brave thick, but if she were a real person I think I might have more hair.
I pull on this villain of a hair tie. Nothing happens. I pull harder. Nothing happens. I'm getting crabby at this point, so I get a firm grasp on this awful fabric covered elastic and pull the hardest yet, thinking that maybe I'll have to bust out some scissors, when I hear a snap. Thinking that this was the sound of my hair breaking and feeling excited that I've won against the hair tie I give it a little tug only to realize that it's even further in my hair and now snapped into one long piece. That's right. My wolf hair annihilated a hair tie. A brand new thicker then most hair tie, all fabric and elastic. My hair outlasted that. What's worse is that now the elastic is exposed at the ends and trying to be one with my carved from steel tresses. I sigh in defeat, but I also sigh because I know the speech my hair stylist will give me when I see her this month and she sees what I've done. I take a walk of shame into the kitchen and grab the scissors thinking, "all that and I still have to cut that piece of shit out!"
Honestly, is there some magic hair tie out there made specifically for people with freakishly thick hair? I mean everyone is always all like, "Oh you should be so thankful" "I'd kill to have hair as thick as yours" blah blah blah. Really? There's thin hair, which I'm grateful not to have, my bff has thin hair and I know the perils. Then there's like normal hair which a lot of people mistake as thick hair but guess what? It's not. Then there's my hair thickness which is what everyone wishes for, but let me tell you something about having freakishly thick hair.... You can't do anything with it because it's too thick, much like the opposite problem women with thin hair have, we just have too much hair. You can straighten it and hope that takes out some of the volume, it sucks up water like a giant hair sponge on your head and then takes several (we're talking about 4 or 5 or 6 or 9) hours to dry completely on it's own, it takes me about an hour to blow dry my hair, it takes over an hour to give me a hair cut. Over an hour. Because my hair is so thick. It took 4 hours to dye it, now that can also be blamed on the length, but if I had thinner hair that was as long it wouldn't have taken so long. I pay extra for hair treatments because of the amount of hair I have. When my hair gets too long I get headaches. Why? Because it's ungodly thick and heavy. I mean it's at a good length now, grazing the top of my lower back, but once it gets longer it starts to become painful. It's ungodly hot in the summer and the winter, like a hairy greenhouse on my head. And I've lost count of how many brushes I've broken attempting to brush my hair. So ladies, tell me again how badly you want thick hair like mine? Pretty sure you don't. However, don't we all want what we don't have?
Don't get me wrong, I have a love hate relationship with my hair. I hate all of the horrible points above, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't envy thin hair or even normal hair. I like when a new stylist exclaims in surprise and horror how thick my hair is. I mean, it sounds strange but that's one of my favorite things about my hair, that it delights and freaks out professionals. I'm a strange one, I've never claimed to be anything else. All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for. We all know the perils of thin hair, what with volumizing creams and thickening powders, but no one ever talks about what it's like to be on the other side of that. It's like they just assume that if you don't want thicker hair then you must be cool. Although, I'm not sure what you could do to "thin" out thick hair without cutting it really.... I'll have to go think on that.
Hope you enjoyed my story turned rant!
Don't get me wrong, I have a love hate relationship with my hair. I hate all of the horrible points above, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't envy thin hair or even normal hair. I like when a new stylist exclaims in surprise and horror how thick my hair is. I mean, it sounds strange but that's one of my favorite things about my hair, that it delights and freaks out professionals. I'm a strange one, I've never claimed to be anything else. All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for. We all know the perils of thin hair, what with volumizing creams and thickening powders, but no one ever talks about what it's like to be on the other side of that. It's like they just assume that if you don't want thicker hair then you must be cool. Although, I'm not sure what you could do to "thin" out thick hair without cutting it really.... I'll have to go think on that.
Hope you enjoyed my story turned rant!
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